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The story thus far:

Act I. Molly Writerblock has come to Alma Mater U, an very large, very modern university close to an ocean. Molly, an aspiring poet, wishes to study the poetry of Emily Dickinson and thus perhaps discover her own poetic voice. There she has made the acquaintance of three grad students in particular Dirk Furtureprof, a successful grad student; Bonnie LaPerkymoney, who has some hopes of success; and Anygender Hangeron, who has been at grad school too long, but no one has had the heart to tell her so. These new friends have given Molly invaluable advice on the proper deportment for the fledging academician, especially as it relates to their professor in common, the distinguished Professor Reppep. His new theory, Transgender Normatizationing has left the students, well, tongue-tied. In admiration.

The serenity of the Department is disturbed by the news that there is a new Dean of the Department, who is said to have written a memo. After considering forming a committee, the grad students are relieved when Professor Reppep takes it upon himself to find out what the new Dean has in store for the department. The students' joy is short-lived, however as the professor reports that the new dean indeed has written a memo. The new dean is skeptical of theory and is insisting that the students do original work. Professor Reppep goes off to plan delaying strategies in the Academic Senate as the students contemplate possible alternatives to an academic life bereft of theory, (including even outside private sector employment). Despair looms as does a committee.

ACT II. Arrives also to the university Bob Forger (pronounced Forgier with a French accent). Bob has brought what he suspects is an hitherto unknown original poem by the very original Emily Dickinson to this English Department with the stated purpose of authenticating it. The grad students do so and are stunned to discover that instead of just giving the poem to them, Mr. Forger wants money for it. Even the explanation that grad students have no money leaves Mr. Forger strangely unmoved. The grad students then turn to their Professor, who after extensive negotiations, agrees to purchase the poem (WITH the envelope AND trunk it came in) for $30,000 which, oddly enough is all the money the department has.

Following a merry doce-e-doe of celebration and a general hub-a-belu of good feelings, Bob confronts his father, Pater Forger, about the ethics of the family business, forgery. His father's argument (and the jaunty musical number that goes with it) is basically the post-modern's lack of any objective standards make "fraud" a completely artificial construct. His father then leaves, telling his son to be sure to gather any incriminating evidence before they skip town. He is beginning to do so when Molly enters...


The next several pages of the script are hopefully available as a:

You can also download as pdf files the conductors score for two songs mentioned in the script excerpt above.

If none of these options work, e-mail me and I will try and send it as a word attachment.

If you want to know how the story ends, you'll will either have to come and see the show at a locale near you OR buy a complete script from us OR get ahold of Dan and ask to see a DVD verson of the show as it produced live on stage.


Oh and by the way, these scripts bits are all ©2003 Dan McLaughlin